Annie and I are going to have a baby. We do not know if the baby is a boy or a girl. We took a childbirth class and received a certificate, but nobody could tell us exactly when baby will come.

In the extremely unlikely case that I am out hang gliding, sailing, or canoe camping when the time comes, Annie and I have set up some secret codes she will send to my pager. A "911" means to call her immediately. A "777" means to meet her at Women's East Pavilion, our chosen birthing Center. A "716" means to meet her at Erlanger Hospital, our backup birthing location. A "715" means to meet at Backyard Burgers for a Garden Burger, seasoned fries, and one of those great chocolate shakes.
Note: Women's East Pavilion is very poorly named in my opinion because it is actually much more than just a pavilion. While a true pavilion is open to the weather and would not be our first choice of birthing locations, Women's East is a really big building with walls and rooms and various baby birthing equipment arranged in an attractive and tasteful manner. See their web page for more information.
Another crucial member of our team is Dottie Berry, who is an expert on birthing babies, having attended the same childbirth classes we did. I don't think Annie trusts me to remember much of what we learned in class, probably because I missed a class or two on account of I was fixing a computer upstairs in the hospital. It doesn't matter, because I got my name on the certificate just the same.
Anyway, when you're waiting for your first baby, you begin to anticipate, with equal parts fear and excitement, the classic Stages of Labor.